Parkers Story: Part One - The Preface

I'm going to write Parker's story in three parts, because there is just so much to his story, and it's too much to write in just one day. I will begin with what I call "The Preface" because it is all about what led up to my pregnancy with Parker, and for just how long and how badly I wanted him.

Parker's story begins on July 6th, 2007. The day I met my husband, John. It was our first date and it was love at first sight. We were alike in so many ways, and complimentary to each other in the ways we were different. 9 months later in April of 2008, we were engaged, and in October of 2009 we were married.

One of the ways that John and I are so alike, is that we were both born to be parents. I have always had two dreams in life, to be a teacher and a mom. About the time we were married in the Fall of 2009, I graduated with my Masters Degree in Teaching and was so excited to start my career and my family. John and I enjoyed our first year of marriage together, I was actively pursuing a job teaching, and substitute teaching in the meantime. We made a goal to start our marriage debt free, so we both worked our tail feathers off to achieve that goal. As we approached our first anniversary together, we decided that we had sacrificed so much that year, including forgoing a honeymoon, that we would celebrate by going to Disneyland for our anniversary.

Starting our family was also on our minds, and we decided that since I hadn't found a long-term job yet, that we would just take advantage of my flexible subbing schedule and let God take control. We went to Disneyland and had a BLAST together! The whole time we were there we were talking and dreaming about our future family, and excited about our future. Little did we know, things were already in the works. The day after we returned from our vacation, on October 12th, 2010, I found out I was pregnant with Parker's older brother, Hudson.

I continued to substitute for the 2010-2011 school year while I was pregnant with Hudson. I became the regular substitute for a Kindergarten class in Sherwood, and I fell in love with that grade level. John and I moved from our apartment into a bigger rental house, and bought our first new reliable car for our upcoming arrival. On June 23rd, 2011, Hudson Robert Thomas was born. Being a parent was awesome, but also so much more challenging than I ever imagined. I loved being a mommy more than anything in the whole world. but teaching was also a big part of my life. I needed to learn how to balance the importance of being a mom, but also my passion to be a teacher.

My priorities got a little nudge on October 21st, 2011. When Hudson was barely 4 months old, I lost my mom suddenly and unexpectedly. Losing her was the biggest shock of my entire life, and really made me take a step back and cherish my family and those close to me. My beautiful little boy became my entire world, and I lived to be his mommy. Life is so precious, and I didn't want to miss a minute with him. I started wondering if I wanted to give up my dream of teaching for a while, and focus on my family. I continued to substitute teach during the 2011-2012 school year, but my desire to be at home, and the constant stress of juggling changing schedules on a daily basis, was really weighing me down.

 Over the summer of 2012, when Hudson turned one, John and I started talking about what our next step was going to be. Would I continue to substitute teach? I liked the flexibility, but I didn't like the inconsistent schedule and paychecks. Would I stay at home? I'm not sure we could afford it. Would I look for a career in a different field? That scared me to death, what else am I even good at? In the fall of 2012, when I hadn't secured a teaching job for that school year, John and I decided that I would start looking at careers in a different field. We wanted to have another child, but we didn't think we could afford it until I had a steady paycheck. I started putting in applications for college admissions representatives, online teachers and civil service careers. I continued to substitute while I explored my options.

Then, in December of 2012, when Hudson was about 18 months old, I learned about an opening teaching half-day Kindergarten with the teacher I had been subbing for over the last 2 years. This position was PERFECT, as it allowed me to teach while also giving me a great schedule for being at home with my family as well. I was thrilled when I was chosen for the position, and finished out the 2012-2013 school year as a temporary teacher.

When school got out in June, and Hudson turned 2, John and I revisited our desire to have another child. I was so torn though, because the school had just informed me that I would be returning in the fall for a permanent position. I wanted so badly to be a mom again, and Hudson was getting older, but I didn't want to jeopardize the career that was just beginning. I really wanted to wait until I had put in a little more time in my position before taking a maternity leave. I knew I would want to focus a lot of time and energy on a new baby, and I didn't want to have to feel conflicted between work and family.

All of the moms who were in my moms group, women who had babies the same age as Hudson, were all having their second and third children, and I couldn't wait for that to be me. As the 2013-2014 school year ended, and Hudson neared his 3rd birthday, John and I decided the time was right. We decided that we would try for a "Spring Baby" so that I could take the last term off of school in 2015, and then have my summer vacation as well. It would be an ideal time to take a maternity leave, and I would maximize my time at home with the new baby. Since Hudson's pregnancy happened so fast, we figured that getting pregnant again would be just as easy. I was so excited to officially start trying again, and started planning and dreaming for our newest addition.

In May of 2014, the day finally came for me to take my first pregnancy test, and I was SURE I was pregnant...We had been building up to this day for 3 years, and I was READY!! When the test came back negative, I began to cry. I know that no baby even existed, but I felt like I had just suffered a loss. Now I would have to wait another month, or longer, for my dream to be a reality.

The following June was Hudson's 3rd birthday. We scheduled a 3-day trip to the coast and had lots of exciting things planned for the weekend. My favorite surprise for Hudson was a train ride I had scheduled for us on an old steam engine along the coast. Our first day at the coast was perfect, we ate lunch, played on the beach, and walked around downtown. We snuggled up that night in front of Disney movies and fell asleep. The next morning, as we were getting ready for our train ride, Hudson got sick. I started panicking because I was so excited to take him on the train ride, and was hoping that he just ate something bad, and would feel better. But then he got sick again. And again. I was bawling as we packed up our things in a hurry, and started the long drive home with a vomiting little birthday boy in the backseat. Our weekend was ruined, my poor baby is sick, and he didn't get to go on the train ride I had planned for him. We got home a few hours later, and helped Hudson through a feverish and uncomfortable night. The following morning, June 23rd, was his actual birthday. He spent it at home in bed while I went to a funeral for my step-grandmother, who had recently passed away. It was another awful day, and a terrible start to our summer.

When I woke up Tuesday, I knew that it was time to take another pregnancy test, but my heart told me that it would be another negative. My luck seemed to be down lately, and I wasn't "feeling" pregnant, but I took the test anyway.

Imagine my shock when it came back positive...