One of my biggest pet peeves is people who are flaky...late, cancel plans at the last minute, don't follow through, leave early, blah blah blah. It just grates my nerves when people are disrespectful of other peoples' time and energy. Well, I have come to the realization that I may be slipping into flake-dom.
My schedule is no longer mine. I relish the days when I was able to pick-up a last minute sub job, go to happy hour after work with my friends, plop myself down on the couch to catch up on my DVR, meet my sister for lunch...even just take a long relaxing shower! Everything runs on "Hudson Time" now. I have to plan lunch dates before breakfast, to make sure Hudson is napped and fed before we leave, I have to plan sub jobs well in advance to make sure I have a sitter, and then get up at 4:45 am in order to get the both of us ready and delivered to where we need to be, and I am often late or not even there at all to events. I feel like part of me, the Sarah that everyone could count on and depend on, is gone now. My anxiety about nap-time, lunch-time, and bed-time is making me into a recluse that finds it hard to work up the energy to leave the house, but the extrovert in me deperately needs that! Finding a balance between being a good mom who keeps her baby on a scheduled routine, and having the flexibility to live my life and continue with my favorite activities is becoming very difficult.
I saw a complete turn around in my mom's personality after my sister and I left the house and she became re-married. I know a lot of her happieness came from her new life and freedom, but suddenly it hit me today that maybe the weight and resposibility of being a full-time mom and full-time cop was finally lifted when we left, and she finally got to be herself again!!!
I guess until Hudson moves out, "running late...", "gotta leave...", and "sorry, I can't make it..." will just have to be part of my vocabulary.
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It will get easier as he gets older, then there will be two and the real fun will start. It's hard as a parent to live up to our own expectations of ourselves and of other people, but I do think it makes you understand that flakiness in others a little more. It still bugs the heck out of me though. I really try to not make plans too far in advance, sort of see how things go and then feel good about showing up, hopefully as close to on time as possible. But I can't say it's not tricky!! After you fight to finally get a nap out of your kid but then need to WAKE THEM UP??? to be somewhere on time you have to choose what's really important and many times it's THAT nap and people just need to give you some slack :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the advice, Sarah. I'm hoping things will get easier ( until #2 comes along at least)!!!! One of my resolutions is to relax and just do what I need to do and stop worrying so much about other people and schedules and trying to be perfect!!!!
ReplyDeleteSarah..There is no perfect-for anyone! Only God holds that role. We just get to try our best to do what our hearts and common sense/our guts tell us we should do for our children. So long as we are trying our best-that's all we can ask of ourselves. Having someone to talk to does help and you have wonderful supportive friends and family who love you and accept you unconditionally. You are doing such a great job. Hudson is so lucky to have a mom who cares and loves him so much.
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